...Time...

2009-07-21T15:56:00.002+08:00

i'm writing this just because I like e no. 197 instead of 196. lol.

After cooling off in the guardrest today i definitely felt a little better. of course not without a price.... oh well. nothing more to say. i'm lucky i din need to do much today. i initially thought i'll be too distracted to do any constructive work today anw. luckily i dun have any work today. allowed me more time to just sit down and stone. stare into e blank space.

i tink after this i'm closing down this blog. i'll create another. this blog's getting too.... filled with memories I'll rather forget. I'll just dump this last piece of memory here as well. let it get buried in the sands of time. thus allowing me to move on.

forward!

2009-07-21T07:48:00.003+08:00

Think I especially need a pensieve now. Some memories are better gone from my head.

Sometimes it's a blessing to forget don't you agree. Not remembering everything. starting everyday fresh. selectively choosing what to remember. It's a pain to remember everything. Had a rough night ytd. Couldn't sleep. Was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling and believing that I'm asleep when I really am not. Woke up earlier than usual this morning as well. Couldn't bring myself to sleep any longer. Mind started to wander and thought about things.

I've realised all my life till now, no matter how much I want to deny it, I have been running away. Away from problems that overwhelm me, away from people that intimidates me, away from things that irritates me. I realised I am too idealistic. Too dreamy. Held too much hope. Understood too little. Too immature. Insecure, non-confident, distraught, depressed, delluding myself on the possibilities of miracles, no matter how small the chances are and unable to fully comprehend the reality around me. I realise I never ever fought for what I wanted. I alw gave in to chance. I thought I'm so good at predicting things but it's probably just how well I am at arriving at the most probable conclusion without even trying it first. I do not understand myself. I don't understand my actions. I can't even comprehend what I'm trying to do. What my intentions are. So blurred, too idealistic. Away from reality. So when I do wake up from my dream world, now reality finally caught up on me.

I'm out of breath I can't run away any longer. I guess it's good time to grow up. People often say the darkest hour is when it's the deepest night. I think the darkest hour is when you finally wake up after the deepest night.

2009-07-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

ages since the last post. apparently this is a repository for all my bad feelings. and i haven't had much in the past few months i guess.

watched harry potter ytd. not bad. good graphics and nice soundtrack. a little short on e plot tho...

that's all for now. Not really in e correct mood to write much.

2009-04-09T22:00:00.005+08:00

A study on how we are always unable to see our own mistakes

This is the feeling I had yesterday when we finally told someone about how much we dislike the attitude and performance of another individual. In essence, the person in question is my colleague, and had been giving quite a lot of trouble to us, with poor work attitude and disrespect to individuals, coupled with cockiness and indulgence in privileges given to him. Ok I'm not making much sense there but anyway, he has been quite a trouble. We haven't been able to talk to him because he's rather haughty and not exactly receptive towards others' opinions, which really piss me off. Throughout our conversation while we emptied our unhappiness and concerns, I realised sometimes when we are critical of another person's mistakes, we somewhat forget about our own faults, just like what my friends and I did.

It's interesting how humans work. While we can cooperate for the benefit of all, it's normal for us to bring down someone who deviates out of the norm, our norm, and even while the group might be making certain similar mistakes as that that the individual makes, in pushing him out of the group, or alienating him, we tend to make it seem as if the certain mistake is only bad in his case, and not ours.

Indeed we're not being very fair.

2009-03-28T22:52:00.004+08:00

Feeling a gust of old feelings welling up in my chest.

Perhaps I'm just tired. I can't help but feel as though something is welling up in me. I can't explain it, neither can I deny it. And the feelings' so strong it overwhelms me. The past seems to be coming back to me again and again. Like an old friend. Not that I dislike it. But I just don't understand why I keep feeling the same way whenever I remember them. It's been quite long. Supposedly so distant. And yet it lingers near, nearer than even the thought of yesterday.

What's past I'll have to let go. I can't hold on to them forever. They'll be in memory. A distant one. Packed and stored. Shouldn't be left in active thoughts. It should be a thing of the past. Not the present. Not the future. Stop littering my future with thoughts of the past.

Stop messing with my thoughts.

Perhaps I'm really tired. Just really tired.

2009-01-25T17:36:00.002+08:00

CNY EVE!!!

wow this is fast. I still vividly remember last yr booking out for cny. and meeting the class, and Mr Tan! haha and now I'm alr one yr into NS, and finishing soon!!! It has been a great yr hasn't it? Though all the disappointment and all the unhappiness, I still made it through yes? That's the most important thing.

I still miss gg to school... or being part of an education institution where I'm able to learn and absorb. No worries about what is going on and just enjoy the moment. I really hope to get back on track to studying, to intellectual discussions and exchanges. Not that I don't have any now but just a school environment would be very much different from anything.

Hope the year ahead is filled with happiness and great gains!!! It'll mark the end of my NS, and the start of many new things. I hope the new year will be fruitful, both emotionally and intellectually.

I hope to live a fruitful life this year, and that'll be enough for me. I shall not wish for more, or the more disappointment I'll feel when it all comes to naught.

2009-01-22T17:33:00.000+08:00

20!

i'm 20 le wow. this is amazing. 20 yrs in tis world le haha. don't u think life itself is a miracle.... out of so many permutation during fertilisation it must be you who is born. Ain't it just great... and woo-hoo i'm alr 20!!!

Anw thanks to all who sent me their well wishes. And those who din nvm now u noe i expect something nxt yr... :P haha.

It's gg to be cny soon! SO FAST!!!

2008-12-08T17:09:00.002+08:00

step away.

sometimes i wonder if alternate universe exist. and what i would be like in that universe. Sometimes I just like to step away, to take a break perhaps, more to take some time to myself I guess. A new start, I guess, from something I'd already deemed myself unlikely to attain.

Or perhaps I'd always stepped away so conveniently, I hadn't known what I'd be if I continued what I've been doing.

Fade off. Only to let your silhouette stay in this moonless night.

2008-11-19T21:29:00.003+08:00

I realised how much I still do not know.

I guess I have travelled too little, seen too little, heard too little, felt too little. Too little for me to rightly appreciate, too little for me to rightly enjoy. I really felt very small in this big big world. Sometimes I really wonder if not knowing everything, not being able to experience everything first-hand had really impeded me thus far.

oh well there's much to learn young apprentice.

2008-11-12T21:22:00.000+08:00

I passed my IPPT! LIKE AT LAST. ok i'm happy cos' i made a lot of improvement. Almost got my silver missed it by just 5 cm in SBJ which means I really did well this time round. yayy.

happy happy!

2008-11-02T21:38:00.005+08:00

off it came, spontaneous, unknowingly.

haha i have to calculate my losses now lol :P yes it's out but i don't suppose it made any difference. anyway i'm proud of myself i've done it better than i did the other time. Calmer, ended up happier, and i did not screw up that bad. at least it went on as what i thought it would. of course not the extremely positive situation and result, but at least it did not turn out bad. that's all i can ask. hope i din put you in a difficult situation, if you're reading.

still waiting.

smiling can hide a lot of things, wrinkles, age, and most of all, your true emotions. at least it'll help to make others happier.

2008-10-02T21:15:00.002+08:00

Gorgeous.

Life's really just that simple actually. Sometimes you may feel life's normal, but come to think of it, aren't simplicity just what so beautiful life is about?

Sometimes it just takes a beautiful song, a beautiful memory, a beautiful part of life to make me feel complete and at peace. It's really just that simple.

Revere the simple and humble things in life.

2008-09-20T21:50:00.003+08:00

falling slowly

i was just listening to this song called "falling slowly" from the movie "Once", which is one that's about a love that was not meant to be. It's the kind of song you'll listen to and everything about yourself just start rewinding before you, and you start to think back and reflect. Really got me thinking.

Every now and then I'd always hoped that there's still time for me, for everything I got to, and wanted to do. But essentially time just slipped past and I can only live to realise I have missed my chance. The chance to do that something. The chance to love. The chance to live a life so different from the one I'm leading now. The chance, that had just gone away.

But chances do come by again, right?

If I made you smile too, I hope you liked me.

2008-09-07T10:38:00.003+08:00

MAF 08

Yesterday was MAF Celebrations in Hwa Chong! Went back to school with my classmates and had quite a fun evening! :) Nostalgic. All the college songs, the dances, the students, the teachers, the spirit, the soul and the passion. So much of all the things I liked about Hwa Chong, so much of all the things I missed. It was really great to be able to go back and enjoy all these again, and also to get together with my friends. Though it rained midway through the programme it did not stop us from enjoying ourselves. Now I truly understand the Hwa Chong spirit.

Anyway after that we went for supper and went off home-bound near midnight. Really enjoy the companion of my friends I really missed the old times in school. Really had wised to be able to join them now in school too if not for NS. haha. oh well it's a growing-up process.

Life has been rather routine. nothing much can be said except for perhaps the anniversary celebrations on friday. It was quite good, as opposed to what I expected. Won myself a bottle of wine so I guess it wasn't that bad :P as for work... I guess it's better not to be discussed here.

back to the good old times

2008-08-17T23:03:00.002+08:00

gone.

it's time to go.

i won't say i'm not brooding over it. i won't say i've put it down. i'll just say it'll take time. it's just the end of this chapter. let's see what the new chapter holds for us.

away.

2008-08-15T22:12:00.002+08:00

2.

life has been rather routine. duty dismount standby. nothing out of the blue. have been taking leave for the past 4 weeks. like 2 days and 1 day etc. been to ry's exhibition, sera's concert, and other outing by our class, my male gang, and other people as well. have been nice.

was justr looking through some photos again. have you ever encounter this when you're looking at a happy photo but you feel really sad inside now. or like just not in e mood to be happy? I did. especially when i'm looking at a past I remembered so sweetly, and now when things have changed, I really do feel a sense of lost from the past to the present.

the start of my new chapter in 2.

2008-07-13T22:29:00.002+08:00

i wouldn't want a year full of regrets.

I have had enuf of this. I wouldn't allow my year be ruined just like this. I know it's full of regrets le, and so be it. Regrets are regrets, they are holes in my heart that I can only wish to fill. But there's still more I should look forward to. I reminisce times when I could still dream, when I could still afford to be worry-free. And I know I am envious. Just envious about how other people might have had things done their way. But no I am not jealous. I do have high hopes. But when I know they are uattainable, I might be sad and depressed over it but I'll get over it. I wouldn't allow jealousy to step in.

And I know it's gg to be a tedious task. So stay with me old friend. Stay with me.

humans are defined by how they choose to end things.

2008-07-07T21:59:00.003+08:00

actually i wanted to start writing to just vent my frustration.

No it's not about a particular event, a particular place or happening. Perhaps you can say it's abt particular persons... but then it's really not about what they did. More about what I had/would never do I guess...

Anw there's quite a lot of factors tat adds up to the frustration. I simply realised (again) that my sorta childhood dream is rather far away from me now... And I'm not sure if I can attain it anymore. It's a weird feeling when you look through old materials, which you have once read with great anticipation, awe and hope, and now you feel nothing near those feelings except disappointment and regret. Reading through them again sorta brought back some old feelings about what I wanted to become, and now when I realised it's now part of a dream so unreal, it's really frustrating when you still want to be what you wanted to be. ok i am not making much sense.

Other than that, I'm frustrated at how incapable I sometimes am at certain things.. Of course what you said might be right, but I lack the initiative for this. It's just too.... difficult now for me to make any move.

And I continue wondering how I would be like from here.

2008-06-19T21:30:00.003+08:00

I promised myself I won't shed another tear for all these again.

Looking back on my half year indeed it has been a nice experience, but not one I have expected though. It's like my plans haven't really been fulfilled and I really doubt they will in the end. For one I know a very specific one will not.

And while digging through the wreakage of the broken dreams you find your once innocent reason for why you wanted that dream and sometimes can't help but let another tear drop from the eye.

And you might say this will build up my willpower and strength? I don't know. I really don't know.

But I know my situation's not that bad. And I'm much better off than many le. So I shouldn't complain anymore...

2008-06-10T21:13:00.002+08:00

i admit i might be running away from my problem.

of course if u were to ask me specifically wad problem i won't tell. probably not here in this open field. but e nature of e problem relates much to the heart rather than e mind so ya... u understand.

i often wonder if me keeping mum is the best way out of this... it seem rather messy to me but probably not to the other party. and probably if i were to say anything it'll trigger a chain reaction (desirable or not is still the question), and I can nv predict what will happen. Of course you may say you'll never know if you don't try but then just getting to the idea of trying itself is already a great hurdle for me to leap over... but i kinda feel that it's going to be a little painful on my part if i don't say it out soon. so ya. here I am, wondering if I am doing the right thing.

Maybe silence is not alway golden. (not necessarily suggesting I'll say it out any time soon)

2008-06-09T23:07:00.002+08:00

ok i realise i have taken down too little pictures of things around me and all the things that happened in my life so far. not mental ones i mean physical ones.

I was just browsing through some of my old photos and looking at all the things that happened and remembering the good old times. Funny isn't it, we always start cherishing after things has become history...

I cherish all my thoughts and the people around me. Though I'm not too sure if i'm doing a good job for the latter.. Oh well I'll do my best.

And like I said, i realised there's still so much things I can only remember and there being no physical note tat such things happened. Memories do fade sometimes yea? but i don't want these things to be forgotten by myself so yea... I shall take more photos next time. (not like i'm super photogenic but ya)

Haha it's funny how i came to such a easy conclusion after gg such a big round :P

oh well.

2008-06-01T21:50:00.002+08:00

The frustration has tone down a little but I'm still rather emotional.

Maybe I have conceived a reality that is too good to be true. Too good to be true. Perhaps I'm never what I thought I am.

And perhaps life has been really kind to me, already.

So what now dear oh destiny, what do you have in stall for me? Is these part of some test that's supposed to make me stronger? Or is it just some time that will pass as quickly as it came? I know I know life will get on from here. There're greater things in life. I'm an optimist too you know...

But then it's quite sad when an optimist finds himself unable to help but feel dejected and demoralised by how things went about. Perhaps he needs something else to spur him on. It'll come soon. I hope.

And being hopeful, sometimes, does help. A bit.

2008-06-01T10:52:00.002+08:00

what do u do when the whole world stand against you?

life's just like that. There're ups, and there're downs. And probably I'll say it's one of the times I find myself not being in the most desirable state currently.

of course you might say it's just so. Notr everything can be controlled and stuff. But then when you can't help but see what you always conceived and dreamt dissolving right before your eyes, the feeling of frustration and anger can't help but sets in.

And when all these just vanish before you, you know that you're just too much of a dreamer, and your reality is all part of something that might never come true.

2008-01-01T21:17:00.001+08:00

Happy New Year!!!

The new year has start and it brings along great surprises and rewards! 07 has passed by like a flash and it is seriously time for us to look back and reflect on the year, while looking forward to the new year!

For me, 07 was pure work, work and more work. 1 word. Busy. It's a year that I'll never forget, a year where beautiful friendships are strengthened, and glorious history written. Of course it's a year of many fulfilling rewards, the Quiz Com, SYF, performances, and even day-to-day work and relationship. Indeed it has been a great year. Of course, being me, there's confirmed to be some small hiccups here and there. Unhappiness arises but are eventually overcome. Hardships endured and eventually the light at the end of the tunnel. Indeed, fulfilling. a year worth remembering, a year worth going thru, a year that remains deep in our hearts even as years come by.

08 is a year worth waiting. The much anticipated results (or dreaded, oh well it works both ways), the NS, my future, and everything else. It's gg to be a year of many surprises.

Let the year go by and let me live.

2007-12-18T21:43:00.000+08:00

Dammit. remember last time i said time pass by so fast.... yea it does. but each day seem to go by so slowly... probably cuz like there's nothing much of any focus recently.

Anyway. Probably I have resolved the problem..... probably... I not sure too. The more I tink the more confused I am so I hada short break and not tink abt anything. But oh well nothing seem to clear up anyway... haha.

Oh well everything will soon be clear. Soon. I hope. Sometimes it's just so incredible. When you are like hoping for it to come sooner, it never will, and when you dread its coming, it arrives just the next moment.

oh oh random a bit. lolx. I think the song "Perhaps Love" by John Denver is nice.. haha. So true and it's so nice. As in in spirit and soul. lolx. ok tis is so random lolx.

If I told you that only memories remain, I am lying, for these are memories I hold on dearly, and perhaps that's why.

2007-12-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

Time's passing by so fast! It's gg to be mid-dec soon oh no. Let's see I have less than a month left now... :(

Anyway there's like so many things u needa do when u apply for scholarships. Argh. So many applications, so many forms, so many essays. Have been doing them (only) and it's quite irritating when you can't think of anything to write. argh. But luckily inspiration comes by every now and then. Haha.

Anyway I don't know if I have really resolved the problem that was confusing me. Just that now I have no quiet little time to sit around and wonder about this stuff so it doesn't bother me as much, hope time would be able to wash it off my mind and allow me to have the answer I sought. soon.

When I'm off, will you be there?

2007-12-08T22:23:00.000+08:00

And I keep wondering.

I am still a confused little guy sitting around here typing this entry. Haix.

Had tis long talk wif my fren but stilll u noe personal stuff are often hard to say and discuss though certain ideas did became clearer and I gained perhaps a broader view about stuff. It's quite funny toking to ppl abt your own prob cuz it's like quite hard to describe and stuff, and like most of the convo i was trying to describe to my fullest extent. Oh well it's tough I noe.

Now that I tink abt it... argh i am now really afraid wad image i have been showing others, esp wif the recent pop up of confusing stuff. Damn I am seriously quite scared. Nvm. I just hope everything turns out fine and I am still who I am and everything's not changed. Though I know tis is juz a dream an illusion on my part but let me live tis dream, until one day e truth finally reveal itself.

A bit of this. A bit of that. A lot of everything.

2007-12-07T21:12:00.000+08:00

So we really reached the end of it all.

Ok past few days were really hectic. On tues nite we had Prom Nite and on wed and thurs I had this MIP thing. All fun and really memorable and enjoyable times.

On Prom:
The night was filled with beautiful ladies and fine gentlemen. It was at Shangri La Hotel so yes everyone turned up in suits and dresses and gowns and even casual wear O.o... and to sum it all.... it was a really beautiful night. All went well and we had great time taking photos and trying to enjoy the food. The girls in class really looked gorgeous and I really think they are indeed like princesses that night, haha. It's over but it's a night I'll never forget.

With Prom my 6 years endeavour in HC has come to an end. Feel rather nostalgic about it and misses much of my time spent in this institution. After all, I grew, I served, and I lived in this institution. My classmates and friends became my brothers and sisters. My teachers became like my parents. Even all those I din noe became part and parcel of life, like you'll expect to bump into at least one familiar face somewhere. And now it's all over.

To think about it the experience for the past 6 years has been one of a kind. HC's not like other schools, and the bond between students, even those who are strangers to each other, are so strong, you'll doubt they really din noe each other. It's that strong. I love the feeling. It felt... like home. I'll miss this feeling, and I know, no matter what, this memory has became part of me, and HC runs deep in my blood. Somehow.

The past two years were exceptionally memorable. Firstly I got into a great class (06S70), and I met great people, and I got into a great other CCA (ie guitar). I love my class. We're the mix of people you'll never imagine, and the class has this unique ability to stick together no matter what. It's really great and I love this. Really cool to have been through tough times with such great people. Thank You!

Ok many thanks to give. First to all 4H-ers, like kx, xp, erik, ky, joshua, sean, ron, mj, zl, jh, etc, really great to have met you bunch of people. Though we may seem a bit.... mug, but i noe deep down inside we're actually really full of fun rite...? haha. hope to keep in touch with you people and really glad we met!

To NP people esp jb, jk, jr, jon, chee hao, sean, etc (sry abt e rest, too long a list, they r juz a sample of e ppl in np :P), you've been fun to work wif. 4 years, we've been through all these 4 yrs. It was really great to have known you all. Thanks for everything. Keep in touch!

To my beloved 06S70. My class, my friends, my buddies. I enjoyed every single moment with you guys. Time has never been enough when I am with you all and I really really really really really appreciate you guys. Hope you all like the small momento, and I will keep in touch with all of you! Love 70. :)

And to all my friends in HC. The blood runs deep in you now. Now that we're gg to part, it's never a farewell, just a short goodbye. When affinity wishes for us to meet again, we will, and for that day, I pray, I wish, I hope.

Ok enough of nostalgic stuff and next up.

On MIP:

Ok for you curious people out there, it stands for Mindef Internship Programme. It was a 2 day thing for Mindef to showe us some of the capabilities and leadership of the 3 services in the SAF. It was chao cool. We went to like the Air Force (which we din catch e scrambling cuz of the rain argh), the Navy (we sailed out in a Frigate!) and the Army (we ride on the rubber speedboats and fight a full scale capture e flag war against a unit of 6 army men, real time real person!) It was really fun filled and we got to mingle with the leadership and sorta got an insight to the SAF and how it worked, so it was really enriching and cool and an experience I'll never forget. and lolx guess what me and sean got to the flag at the same time! Haha. So so so cool.

Ok that's about it I guess. On a more personal level I'm still feeling rather confused. But oh well I'll have to move on. See it din affect me too much, at least not for my past two days, I only started wondering when I'm like in the bus travelling from one place to another.

If you don't know if you married the woman you love, learn to love the woman you married.

2007-11-29T22:46:00.000+08:00

back frm class chalet!

haha ok tis yr's a bit better than last yr, cuz there's like tons more activities we did la... here comes the list of activities we did. lolx.

haha. ok so first day we went to ben's place and lag till 1 plus then went to pasir ris to buy groceries, and went into chalet at ard 4. essentially that means our first day is like sorta gone.. haha. played in chalet (Gundam yayy) and had bbq on first nite. had some quiet talks wif my fren and then we played again, and some went to sleep. like at ard 12. so early la. haha. some of us were quite awake so we played pictionary and lolx had great time laughing and all. and guess wad we lag everybody's sleep by 2 hrs haha. so essentially we settle for sleep only like at 2 plus. nxt day we woke up at ard 7 and went lan after breakfast. e gals din want to and wanted to go escape so we left them in e chalet and e guys went like marine parade to play. lolx. played till lunch b4 some of us decided to head back while others went for pool. and guess wad. it was raining so heavily. so we cab back. and guess wad again. e gals have been in e chalet all e while and they r sleeping. like LOL. so we went back to play and disturbed their beauty sleep haha. in e nite almost all (except me who dunno how to bike which is such a waste and such a pity and i felt so bad, and erik) went for nite biking frm 12 to 6 plus 7. damn zai. heard it was really cool but only saw their tired and shagged faces. ok feel really bad and like after that 3rd day ppl juz sleep and went home. so yea that's it. but u noe tis is like quite eventful le haha.

ok so it was really enjoyable but was quite a pity i can't join in e fun for e second day. oh man. :(

ok and have been tinking quite a lot. so yea ppl can see me quite troubled/pissed/etc some times in e chalet cuz i was tinking of something. and that something which is very confusing. haha. oh well. we'll have to work tis out. somehow.

If i could look into e future. Would you be there with me?

2007-11-23T22:45:00.000+08:00

haha at long last it is OVER!

e battle's over. A levels r history for me. Yayy... haha.

ok it has been eons ago since i last blogged. haha. it seemed so far away from when we started. it has been an epic 4 weeks ok.... so draggy... nvm.

Anw..... it has been quite well and smooth. not too big a hidcup so i guess it's fine.... and i was like pia-ing thru so i hope it's fine... i really hope. haha. and e papers was really spread out so there was quite some time to revise and all so i tink it'll be fine. somehow. haha.

oh well it's OVER! and so marks my end of academic pursuit for now. it has been a long long continuous strive and i really did learn A LOT. so i tink it was fruitful no matter wad. Life's other chapter is opening and i really do need some time from now till then to rest, tink and re-examine myself again. like in like juz tink lorz. whether i have been a gd man, a gd fren, etc.

and frm now till then other than tis all admin stuff, games, books, and packing awaits me. it will be a fun-filled thrilling and exciting december. (lolx) and before i noe it, i will meet u all every saturday only. which is like... u no wad. NS! arhhh so fast. then it will cepat jalan till uni. then step into society. family. children, and before u noe. i am like one old man sitting at some rotan chair telling my life story to my grandchildren. wow. life's short. and fast.

ok but before we fastforward to all those. let's enjoy e process.

A world worth waiting for.

2007-10-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

Approaching. Nearer. Every. Second.

I guess we all are tired. But there's no time for us to rest now! Can't stop now. Must move on and on and on and on... There's no stopping now. It's just all the way.

And to think I am still having quite difficult thoughts. Oh well. Aside aside. Nope shall not let them hinder my progress.

Determination should not only be known, it should be announced, elaborated, practised.

And I am learning day by day how little things in life should be cherished. Thinking back how foolish of me to have skipped some of the nice little things around me. Arhh. ok cherish from now onwards.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today's a gift, that's why we call it the present.

2007-10-13T08:51:00.000+08:00

2 weeks to A Levels.

Been thinking alot now and then. Feeling a bit weird now and then too but it's alrite. I just hope everything falls into place and nothing goes wrong and all. Shouldn't be thinking too much yea? It's like 2 weeks to the big day.

Anw Cambridge interview is just b4 A Levels. Wow. Ok this is quite bad but oh well, let it all come and go, dun let it affect me too much. :)

Been really thinking of the definition of "Cherish" and like who do I really cherish, other than my parents. But ya... like always e question is nv answered until e day when I know I do have a person to cherish, and a person cherishing.

For the rest of my life, you don't have to think twice.

2007-09-25T15:12:00.000+08:00

I apologise for the graphical imagery used in the following.

*bang*
*slam*
*knock*
*pull*
*scream*
*jump*
*klong*
*plong*
*dong*
*pong*

ok done. arhhh it's bad. all bad. :(

Please please.

2007-09-24T12:13:00.000+08:00

Prelims are over. A few days ago. :P

Ok the past few days have been fun! Spent quite a lot though. Arhhh. Haha. Anw.... Went ice-skating on sat, and like we did damn a lot after the ice-skating session. Lolx. Quite fun :) Yayy.

Anw... Prelims has been ok.... though I think my chem would be quite bad. Seriously. H3 was better than I expected, so I am expecting a pass at least :)

Today.... tio scammed to go back sch. Arhh sian. This is really irritating sometimes. Haix. Nvm. Suan le.

Have been quite dao today. Dunno why juz dun feel like toking much. Perhaps I am being left out of action for quite a while and find it hard to adapt back bahhh... or that there is juz something bugging me. Perhaps. Perhaps. Not sure. Dunno wad happening, juz feel kinda weird and felt bad if i were to fa xie it to anyone. So there.

Waiting for all my dear results to return. I do hope they aren't that bad. :)

Dreams to realise this reality.

2007-09-09T23:01:00.001+08:00

Arhh i am quite excited/scared/anxious/hyperventilating...

lolx ok calm down.

arhhh ok it's quite stressful i muz admit. must give myself less stress.

ok calm down.

*breathes in*

calm down.

*breathes out*

Stress is barriers one give unto themselves.

2007-09-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

And so it start.

War has just begun. Prelims are here!!!

Arhhh everyone is getting all worked up and stressed.... hmmmm dun worry ppl! Everything will be fine :)

Anw.... been thinking and mugging a lot. Haha. It's sometimes really insightful and fun ok nvm. Sometimes. Depends on wad you think of and wad u mug. Haha.

Okok i am not making sense. Arhh ok I guess back to the old routine.

One day so dreadfully pondered.

2007-09-04T08:49:00.000+08:00

Life's getting rather monotonous. With all these studying and mugging, I doubt it can get any better anytime soon.

Anw.... mugging's quite alrite I hope... Completing what I set for myself each day, which is good. Hopefully this will return me wif great benefits! Haha. Arhhh I wonder. lolx.

And haha I should be grateful, should be grateful.

It's for all these that I have pulled through the darkest storm, the scorching madness, and icy lonesome.

2007-09-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

Was looking back at some old letters and cards. And they really made me smile. It's like those "frm e heart" kind of smile.... those tat shows you're really touched. It's really.... simple.

I like this feeling when everything's so simple and pleasant.

And I realised how little gratitude I have shown. Perhaps I never did show. Perhaps you never know. In fact, I am grateful things are still the way they are, like always before.

Making things simple.

2007-09-01T22:27:00.001+08:00

1 week to Prelims (I mean e full blow one)

Arhh this is so exciting (as in stressful)

Haha Prelims are here. Oh my the yr gone past so fast. I am seriously tinking about what I have done tis yr and wad has happened so far. It's like so fast. The yr gone past even faster than my flashback can bring me. Seriously shocking and quite a lot to take when I recall all these things at one go. Oh man. *Breathes in deeply*

As i said b4.... mugging gives me the time to reflect upon e past. which is quite a lot. esp this yr. oh well. have to block off some thoughts in order for me to be better focused!

Jia you ppl. just a few more impt steps and we're done.

And we're gg in the same direction. The way before us.

2007-08-17T22:28:00.000+08:00

a long journey has to end. someday.

my journey in NPCC has finally come to an end. wonderfully. looking back on all the days I had in NPCC, it really feels quite different now that I know it's all over. Not like Sec 4 when I alr made up my mind to come back, now it's really all over. As a cadet, as a cadet inspector, and finally, out of it as a post-inspector. I tink np has really shaped me in many ways, open me up to many opportunities, and allowed me to gain lots and lots of insights and learn what others might not have been able to. I am grateful. I am very grateful.

6 years in e corps was no easy feat. From being a cadet, to leading cadets, to finally leading cadet leaders, it was indeed delightful to see the changes over the years, the progress and the growth, both of me and of my cadets. Seeing the growth of the corps was e most intriguing. Participating in making a difference was the most interesting part of it. If i were to like live my this 6 years again, i guess np would still be the choice, and i would most likely still go down this path i have walked.

Old bonds, cherished friendships. I have made many good frens in np, from my squadmates, to my juniors and predecessors. These bonds are really strong and indeed a cherished part of me. Many hardships, many sweet memories now live on in my head, and it's indeed what I hold close to the heart.

To my squadmates/fellow CIs: Great job! and well done. I really thoroughly enjoyed being with you guys. You all simply rox. All the best!

To my dear juniors: Hope I have provided many insights an interesting experiences that really made a difference to your life in np. Especially like my predecessors, hope i have been inspiring enuf for u all to follow my path and maybe even do better than what i have done! and yes hope what i have shared is really useful to you guys. All the best. No worries. you can still get me online or like contact me whenever and for whatever stuff. I'll be here willing to listen! :)

And to all in HC NPCC (past, present): Thanks for making my journey the most delightful, joyous, enriching, and fulfilling experience. My np career comes to an end. but the bond will nv break.

Once in the Corps, always in the Corps.

2007-08-12T22:08:00.000+08:00

it's time.

ok i tink i more or less settled myself down today for work.... i sorta like sort out thinking, planned, and looked forward. so.... it's now or never. let's do a great job and not regret it yup!

Anw...

sorta thought it thru... no pt. seriously no pt in clinging on to the past. it's great memories though. but arhh oh well shouldn't be bothering me le. it should go. i shall move on. and everything shall be fine.

perhaps i am forcing myself in this way to tink that i have put it down. yes though it might not be e case... let's just say i wanna live in this thought for as long as i can bahhh.

mugging's becoming part and parcel of life. haha. oh no.

where the past should be. the past.

2007-08-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

Just let it pass.

haha i am sorry to change tone so fast... like today NDP and all... shouldn't feel sad. yup.

I shall learn to let it go and juz be free from all these for at least now. haha.

like i said.... mugging makes me emo sometimes. lolx. i dunno damn weird. probably juz e emptiness tat can fill me when mugging bahhhh... or cuz only then i seriously sit down and tink abt stuff... and many things juz appear as flashbacks... as clear but distinctly distant past events and memories. as some things i couldn't change. some things i couldn't get over. some things that i juz wanna hold on. some things that i juz have to noe i still share wif... probably it'll be e only things i've left frm then. frm that distant past. frm that memory. these flashbacks.

anw... oh my god prelims are coming so fast. okok i shall start to become intensive again.

stretch out my hand to try and hold on to tat memory slowly slipping away.

2007-08-09T10:00:00.000+08:00

Happy National Day!!!!

Oh my S'pore 42 yrs old le. :) Haha.

It's e 3rd NDp after NDP04

Still missing NDP04. arhh oh well :P haha. guess i juz misses e old times. all e time.

U guys still rock. :)

Happy Birthday.

2007-08-08T22:46:00.000+08:00

feelings changes... over time.

sometimes i wonder. i still do.

Feeling kinda emotional as in like in both e gd way and bad way... for e gd... haha u can call it romantic... u can call it over-exhilaration of gd emotions.... but juz felt like.... i dunno....

some triggers ard. made me feel like e world's still quite cute. quite funny. quite weird.

arhh ok dunno how to express it.... really juz felt like some things i could have changed... and i still dunno e reason why some things juz din work out well.... it's nv meant to be i guess.

and my feelings izzit still the same?

Put it down and be myself i guess.

A weird expression.

2007-08-06T22:37:00.000+08:00

Recurring thoughts.

Just thought I have to vent it out somewhere. Not to anyone I suppose. Arhhh angst. dunno why I just feel a bit angsty.... haha. it's like i dunno.... i juz feel a little bit of sadness and angst in me haha. felt it's better I let it out. somehow. to make me feel better. somehow.

Haha I found out I am a person who will live on past memories. Have been doing so for the past like days esp. maybe that's why I am angsty.... haha. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. It's ok though. There's nothing bad abt living in e past, it's like how we face up to it and live wif it tat really matters so yea. guess I have to learn it well... especially since i am one very susceptible to such.... sadness that wells up.

Makes it feel right. I pray.

2007-08-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

haha i hereby declare that the war is on.

Arhh why are there still tests when it's like alr week 7? wahh totally no time la. needa study test then needa revise everything for prelims... really quite scary. and oh oh did i forget there's IS too... O.o

Anw.... today was so super sian. Like work work and more work. Alrite. It's really what life would be like for the rest of the yr all e way till a levels. oh my ok i have to live wif it. if i haven't been doing so that is. lolx.

life move on. oh no i getting a bit emo, cuz of all these work and stuff. Abit only. tiny bit. :(

2007-08-04T21:56:00.000+08:00

No doubt the end is still quite some time away.... but in sight from now.

A lot said. A lot done. Yes just like work. Have been busy clearing, resorting, tidying, and revising. Really quite a chore sometimes.

Each week seem to pass faster and faster. And yes it's approaching at this deadly pace I can feel my heart throbbing and breathing harder than b4... Really quite tensed... haha

Anw today was PSC PAE. Was quite fine. E maths was a bit... er.... and e others were ok. Been having this stupid stomach displeasure since thurs. haha. lucky it went off today. thx for all ur concerns. :)

Anw WE WON QUIZ COM! ok i must really congratulate my cadets on their excellent job. thanks for making us the champs. 4 times consecutive! Haha i wonder if 5 times they got any special awards or not. haha. and yayy we r finally getting a replica of the challenge trophy. :) Great job...

Haha yes at least they made me proud wif their performance and my hard work din go to waste. :) Really felt genuinely happy and glad abt it. Thanks for making all my work worthwhile. :) And u all also made ur own hard work worthwhile too! Well done guys. :)

Haha wada happy ending to my np career. :) Really glad it was a worthwhile experience, one i'll nv forget and hold close to my heart. POP's not here yet though! But yes thx for everything :)

Making it all worthwhile.

2007-07-31T22:52:00.000+08:00

And so they did.

Indeed I wasn't wrong some persistent issues did creep up on me again. But haha managed to fight it off for the moment and try to keep it out for now. Yep. Shouldn't let it come through.

Haha this time round I used a more straightforward method. Face up to reality. Seemed to work pretty well...

Anw. Work is piling and I dunno if i can cont blogging frequently. I will try to.... but haha work has to be cleared first. Will be focusing quite a lot on work and not going to be posting that often so.... haha.

Anw.... prelims are coming fast. do jia you and cheong!

regardless of the result, i know i din regret.

2007-07-29T12:23:00.000+08:00

No, it's not the end. It has just begun.

A look at the calendar and oh no it stresses me out a bit. The time is approaching so fast... really really make me quite excited and quite worried too. Ok I shall really settle down for revision soon. And and yes strive harder!!! Lolx.

Oh I also found that I improved quite a bit (ok juz a bit) from block 1 to block 2. Yayy. :) Keep that up and my dreams will be achieved. I hope. :) Haha.

And some persistent issues start to creep in again. I thought I resolve it quite some time back... Arhh oh well... At least it didn't bother as much now. Yea. I choose to believe it so. Shall not dwell on it :)

Sadness is all but one emotion everyone must know. So why must we dwell on it? Just let it go.

2007-07-26T22:44:00.001+08:00

Story that binds. Story that entwines. Story that spread without any control. Unleashed.

Isn't it interesting how rumours do spread around? Like little stories that revolves around day to day life... and people we might/might not know. Though so.... sometimes it's really very damaging? Like how rumours affect us? Experiences told me rumours are alw e catalyst for how relationships (frenship etc) become sorta murky... and possible be affected... it's sometimes really sad to see that happening though. Really sad.

A story to be told?

2007-07-24T22:30:00.000+08:00

I guess sometimes I gotta take things easy...

Was quite pissed off today cuz of some things that happened... Sometimes I wonder why people can be irresponsible and not take instructions well. Isn't basic courtesy to get back to e person who sent the reminder if you cannot meet e deadline set in the reminder or something along that line? Can't you juz meet e requirements? Is it that hard?

Ok I tink I am a person who is very particular abt deadlines and stuff. Really dread it when people can't meet up wif deadlines and all. And seriously I tink i alw walk away in face of a coming blow-up of temper and stuff.... Really helps to prevent me from excessive scolding and possibly scary image portrayal.

Guess I still needa work on my cool-down tactics. Needa put e msg across.

Everyone gotta learn. Something. Somehow.

2007-07-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

Argh... haha

Today was supposed to be half day.... but guess what. my day ends at 12 and e half day declared was at 11. haha v funny. and guess wad. we had to stay back for chem lecture... so essentially my lessons ended at 12. wow. half day.

anw... great job to hc. tink e teams really trained hard and hope e results gotten were desirable. :)

Lagged in sch till ard 3 b4 i went home today... lolx quite a sian day though... nothing much spectacular or eventful... juz plain normal. and it's getting quite bad... excitement for the days seem to vanish bit by bit... oh well i shall stay optimistic and yes face e adversity!

On a different note, i haven't felt tis in a v v v long time. v v v long time. making me wonder again.

He who shall rise and conquer. He who knows.

2007-07-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

another day has juz slipped past just like that.

I have counted it is less than 6 weeks to the next big thing to happen.... Prelims. Ok damn big thing. I really do hope I will do really well for it. And yes after that our ultra big thing... the As are here. Wahh this year sure got past really quickly...

Was reading a bit on conspiracy theories just now and was wondering what really happens in the world. If people were to set out and deceive, who can we trust then? Is everything real?

Haha interesting.

Oh and he survived. haha i meant harry.

He who must stand firm in adversity.

2007-07-21T09:23:00.000+08:00

The week has gone past me again.... so fast. Week 4 is goooone.....

Ok now I have my fulll results.... I am quite happy coz i sorta got wad i expected or aimed.... somehow. BCCS... Pass. Lol. ok not spectacular like some other ppl.... *aherm* but still ok. Improving from previous blocks for some.... deproved a bit for 1.... which is quite gek. But ya can't help it... heard e whole cohort din do quite well so ya..... Mostly above 50 percentile. which is gd cuz it's like above av. :) Haha so i am not complaining :P

Days are getting rather sian now.... like it's so so routine la.... Especially with all the work. Only form of entertainment now is in sch (ironically) when our class juz sat down and play monopoly... hahaha so fun :)

And we gotta get a dice quick.

Other than that i tink there's not really much to tok abt.... been rather sian and all so if i looked pissed rest assure i am not! I am juz pissed that i am sian.

ard 8 weeks. =)

Days like never before. Without...

2007-07-14T22:41:00.000+08:00

Gd news, bad news.

Gd news is that I passed my H3 test! haha. apparently there was some marking error so i juz made e mark. Which is quite heng1. haha i am so glad :) nxt, my chem did ok and met my expectations. Was really happy. Yayy.

ok let's hope bio and KI is ok too! then i'll be so so happy. :)

Anw.. bad news. Ok vacation ended. So jo's back to Melbourne. Arhh ok that was such a short time since she came back la... but fret not she's coming back again. really soon. so yes my dear frens it's juz a few more months away and we all will be able to meet up wif her! :)

ok so... bad news again. I am sorta emotional again. Like AGAIN. which is quite bad. Hmmm i tink i am juz quite pissed off (refer to prev post) and tis was e trigger. Now i dunno wad's keeping it wif me though. like i dunno juz felt rather... empty. was having random thoughts and it's rather depressing sometimes. It'll all go away...

Anw we have to go back to our mugging sessions again! it's like.... arhhhh so sian. But no choice it's our last yr and i am sure everyone will like to get e best out of it. :) So jia you jia you. we can do it!!!

Oh H3 today was quite ok. Wasn't as bad as expected. Learnt quite a lot of new stuff. Yayy..

Progression. Towards our future. Happy times alw pass fast. too fast.

2007-07-09T20:11:00.000+08:00

hmmmm

today i tink i was pissed off by how some people reacted to certain stuff. O.o Like wadeva lorz.

Ok the heavens are telling us to learn the art of humility. For if there's 1 thing we are still unsure of, this is it. To be humble is not to be hypocritical and say u din do well or anything, but rather the genuine effort to like keep a low profile perhaps? Or maybe just to not react as violently even in face of adversity. I shall have to fine-tune this area of mine, and i am sure there are many ways of being humble. For this i seek.

memo to self

2007-07-08T13:54:00.001+08:00

1 week on. Results are less than satisfactory. I am disappointed...

oh well life have to move on. Hopefully the following releases of results are much more... encouraging.

Anw it has been a great week (other than u-noe-wad) of resting and slacking. :) Haven't been doing much. Ok should be like haven't been doing anything constructive. Hmmm perhaps it's time to start again. Start the engines. Vroom.

Was talking abt ideal spouse and like... haha perhaps wad i look out for with my frens. And my ans stunned them all :P Haha long hair. Oops. Ok... I mean like not really a prerequisite but haha i am more drawn to gals (that i like) wif long hair? ok perhaps. I also not sure. And i am not so skin deep only! i mean like impression counts, but after that it's all about e personality le! Yes and i am sure personality dominates my decision. most of e time. though personality can be shaped, and perhaps changed over time. The chemistry has to be there.

Talking abt chemistry.... chem H3 was disastrous. Shall not say how bad it was. I shall not tink abt it and let it heal..

What's your choice?

2007-07-02T22:31:00.000+08:00

Inspiring.

gam zeh ya'avor. this too shall past.

A phrase which drains a happy man's happiness, take away a man's sorrow.

Inspiring isn't it. This too shall pass. All that we feel now will go away. There's nothing that will last forever. No sorrow for forever. No nothing. Isn't it a great way to inspire yourself, and encourage urself when you feel the least happy, the least glad, the most sorrowful and depressed?

It just struck me how simple things like this can change our view on the world drastically.

A thought to remember.

2007-07-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

Dreams and reality sometimes mix together into something really interesting.

My dreams recently have an unusually high frequency of the same event, same people and yes this is unusual. Normally my dreams are like.... er.... impossible. haha. from little boy's dream of becoming a superhero (as in seriously), to like unreal events. But recent ones were of such vividness that I almost mistook them as reality. haha. how silly.

Anw post-blocks are getting really interesting. And hopefully more interesting as it goes by. :) Though work will dominate yet again in this reality-stricken world.

But for now... rest is all i see and hope (and need).

I think. It might be so true. But reality has a way of getting round dreams.

2007-06-29T22:58:00.000+08:00

At long last the fight was over.

The Block Tests are history! Yes I am so so glad they are. They have come and passed, and it sure impacted me quite a lot. It showed me how prepared I was, and e reverse as well. Arhhh so bad I am not exactly at e top form yet, still have a LLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG way to go...

Anw...

The tests are over and it's time for us to really rest well and recharge. Yup I will. Gonna make use of these 4 days as my points of rest. Not gonna really start on anything. Maybe here and there like for KI IS, but other than that I highly doubt so...

Oh oh and did I say e blocks was quite hard. :P

The end of a chapter only leads to the start of a new, no matter in what book.

2007-06-22T23:10:00.000+08:00

haha it's been a rather busy week i guess...

yes yes it's coming. and it's juz like.... nxt door. a while more it will be at e front door, then in front of u. and poof it will be gone soon too....

oh man time past so fast. like a month juz gone by and i din really realise. was sitting at my desk i can still rem e first week of hols. concerts. camps. etc etc. arhh e memories! i feel so empty now. emotionally and physically. tired too. quite bad... like mugging all day as if there's no tomorrow.... very sad. :(

But oh well everyone jia you ok!!! we can do it. it's not tat bad de!!! can de :)

yup jia you jia you.

haha ok sidetrack.was juz toking to my fren and was juz toking random, our conception of an ideal wedding. ok dun u all go down that path. arhh ok. i realised my ideal wedding is really... unachievable in certain sense. firstly it's really super costly. and and i dun tink they will allow any fireworks, other than NDP ones at e s'pore river. ok. nvm.

idealistic me...

if only it's true. i'd like to believe it's true. it's part of wad little i have left. i believe my heart.

2007-06-17T21:40:00.000+08:00

ok mugging today was not bad... quite successful in retrospect. haha. i hope :p

Anw... interesting. I nv knew studying makes me emotional. haha. or rather made me tink of life (aherm, some life we lead arh.... O.o)

Was juz studying just now when i just simply stop and look up and start to tink abt all e things that happened to me tis 2 years. and lolx i was tinking of how i had led my life and all. lolx. ok... hmmm.... it made me think abt a lot of things. happy. sad. angsty. angry. depressed. hopeful. delighted. dejected. etc. what a wonderful/eventful/emotional 2 years i have led! arhh ok seriously disturbing. And this din occur once. it occur a few times ok.... in only 1 day. but learnt to sorta calm down after so long.... dun get tat emotional le. though still.... arhh well.

if i would to return to the very first day college started. will i choose the same path again?

interesting. but nevertheless, some things will remain unchanged, while others, if i knew, if i juz knew... i would change for the better.

a life worth living. some life we lead..

2007-06-17T12:05:00.000+08:00

Crazy mad dash don't last long...

:(

Oh my i am trying to recharge myself. Or not if steam really runs out, I tink i will juz blank off. Not exactly e most desirable.

Anw preparation for blocks is like.... crazy. The materials are like so much la.... Am really intimidated. Quite worried actually. Dunno how gd/bad tis blocks will be. Shall be hopeful.

Point of No Return. Work like you didn't.

2007-06-13T21:26:00.000+08:00

The next few days are just going to get worse.... literally.

More intensive it will get!!! Arhh ok I think I can afford to slow down the pace for today. But tomorrow onwards will be......... CRAZY MAD DASH!

arhh just realised next week is quite screwed. 20, 21, 22 jun all gg back to sch. That essentially leave me 2 days for my last min prep for the big days.

Welcome to our world.

A reality so real that I can't seem to get out

2007-06-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

another day of endless mugging and work.

It doesn't seem to be able to be stopped u noe... so stressful. Ok pressure is building up again. Esp when I look at my Bio Notes. It's like.... OHMYGOD! Feel super sian and tired and stressed. Arhh my KI IS is getting nowhere and it's gg to like consume me sooner or later. It's so difficult to think properly when there's like so much information to take in already.

Anw.... guess days like tis will last for quite some time. Right until e end of blocks of course. And of course our ever-impending A Levels. Well done....

Ok here's some interesting facts... My Bio notes thickness (net) is twice of that of my chem notes thickness (net) {Expected reaction: Woah}, and what's more, my maths notes thickness is twice of that of my bio notes {Expected reaction: Woah woah}, and what's even more, my KI readings.... are like.... OK nvm. {Expected: Woah woah, huh?}

ok sorry... lolx. it's getting quite stressful. Seem like everyone's working really hard. Havta work harder. No more divergence or interference. Please.

For work, it's endless in quantity, boundless in entity.

2007-06-08T09:45:00.000+08:00

Back frm camp. Ok the camp was.... ok. Hmmm actually they would have done quite finely without any CIs around. Serious! Because this camp's main aim wasn't for training but rather for bonding. There were enough NCOs around to help out and so CIs there were rather... o.O Ok maybe not for Day 2 whereby a lot of them were half-dead. Yea I tink I enjoyed Day 2 more than Day 1 and yes I tink the camp is rather structured overall. Great job guys!

Ok with the conclusion of this camp, the mugging sessions officially starts. Or rather, have to officially start. Arhh ok I tink there are tons of things to be done. Oh man... Thanks for all the encouragements though! I came back from camp to see that the tagboard was filled with encouragements. Or rather a few encouragements. I am quite touched :) And you guys jia you too!!! We can do it de. :)

In stress, never feel depressed, for if there's any distress, just take them as life's tests.

2007-06-05T10:06:00.000+08:00

Arhh stress stress...

Ok I juz found out how screwed I would be. It's like the 2nd week. And my week will be so packed I won't even have time to study. Then then, still got IS and got all these misc stuff that I need to see to. Arhh ok now I sorta regret not starting earlier. Damn. But but I cannot blame anyone or anything cuz it's like all my own fault. :(

okok I feel bad for ranting. Anw....

I am quite stressed up now. And and like everything's tumbling on me... :( Though it's not worse than Term 2 which was filled with much more emotional disturbance... it's no much better either. I just hope everything will be fine.

Like what you said. Boat go to bridge naturally straight.

Aw... it never fails to make me smile a little. Even in this argh... stressful times.

Let's strive on for a better tomorrow. (arhh tml is Unit Camp!)

ok it din turn out well... hmmm... let us strive to build a better future! (argh cliche)

A tumbling wall of truth revealing only the ideal and non-ideal states of lives. (no it does not follow pV=nRT, i am not a gas!)

2007-06-03T14:11:00.000+08:00

Everything that has a beginning, has an end.

Haha cliche! lolx :P

My journey in Hwa Chong Guitar came to a wonderful end yesterday with Varolari, the Musical. A concert that is revolutionary and seriously successful!!! Oh my, my heart was filled with such warmth and happiness when the concert went on well and everything seemed fine. I am so glad you know!!! And yes the concert was indeed a great one. Thanks to all who have helped in one way or another. Special Thanks to Cherlyn, Alvin and Han Lu for their kind guidance for my song "Face Down". And yes thanks to you, my pronunciation is much better now I hope.... And thanks to all your hard work and help rendered! And of coz my dear groupmates Jason, Joe and Chen Hui! Wahh you guys rock man. Oh man I am missing you all alr. :( Haha. Oh oh and thanks to my lovely classmates who gave me flowers and cookies! Arhh so touched :) So nice of you all to come alr!!! Hope you guys enjoyed the show. And oh oh haha thx Christine! Thx for the flowers!! And for helping me out in the ticket sales. Arhh so nice of you. Thanks so much :) Hope you enjoyed my performance. :)

Anw my journey into the musical realm is indeed an enriching one. While holding on to my commitment to the Corps, this journey into something completely different was indeed a cultural shock to me. Finding my place in the ensemble would not have been easy if not for you guys: Alvin, Aaron, Adrian, Han Lu , Sean, Jason, Joe, Chen Hui, Cherlyn (in e later stages :P), Weng Woh, Wei Cheng, Eng Aik, Jane (to a certain extent :P), Shao Kai, Valerie, Yong Jing (a certain extent in the later stages :P) and Yang Shun (a certain extent in the much later stages :P). Wahh you guys rock :) Thanks for being there, and just like lame ard esp Alvin and gang whom I alw hang out wif... like wahh you guys are the best ok... Will really miss the time I had with you all. Hope to see you all again (*bish* like duh.. our class bench is juz like.... nxt to each other? :P)

Ok my initial aim of getting into guitar was to learn how to play a new instrument, and indeed it came true, wif loads of wonderful surprises and add-ons. Like the great bunch of people I met, and the great bunch of buddies I've made. If not for u all, I doubt I could have strived so hard for so long!!! Guitar seriously shaped my JC life and made me a more lively person, and interact better with others (I hope!).

Of course not forgetting my dearest seniors e.g. Christine esp and Melinda and Sok Boon and etc etc etc. If not for ur kind guidance and care I doubt I'll ever really learn how to play guitar well. And of coz not losing touch after u all left the ensemble was great too! Glad to have such great friends :) And of coz our dearest MIs that took over, e.g. Han Lu esp who kept on picking on my mistakes. Arhh ok. I am grateful :) Serious! Thanks so much I tink i have improved under your guidance and seriously I think my fingers have become more ling2 huo2 after playing e guitar :) haha NOT NUMB (or lumb) :P

With all these, great things have to come to an end. May have been quite an abrupt and quite a quick one though. Arhh I miss the good old days... I'll nv regret joining guitar, knowing you all and being with you great bunch of ppl. :)

Ok nxt up is really scary... BLOCK TEST 2!!! Arhh ok have to start mugging le. Argh so scary I hope everything will turn out fine!!! And thx for your encouragement! I will strive hard for Blk 2, prelim and "A" Levels de!!!

With a resonating start, braving through thick and thin, travelling from russia to latin america, from pop to classical, digging and working hard for the one aim of gold, then the musical varolari, i doubt my life would ever be the same again.

2007-05-30T22:42:00.000+08:00

I guess all of us detest changes. Especially changes that throws us out of our comfort zones.

Ok Guitar Concert coming this Saturday. I think I am in no position to comment but I really have to vent it out somewhere or I will explode. Somehow. Everything seems... really messy. Trust me, the situation now is really like when I planned for the first promotion test in Sec 3. Everything is really... bleah. messy.

Though I see everyone is putting in their best, I think everyone is getting really tired too le. Really really tired. Notable from the looks of the people around, the passion we talk about seems rather low in amount. Hey guys cheer up k! In a few days time it's all over le. And if not for urself make it e best for the audience.

I think there is also a very very very strong (even extreme if it need be) media control on the concert and its planning. It's like hello.. I need to know the situation here. It's like there's an impending event but many are still ignorant about it. It's really bad. Especially when like you suddenly find out all the problems. And everything juz seem to be crashing on you and it's maybe too hard to take. Can't all of these come in small doses? Active control of information dissemination is good in a certain sense, like you make sure some things that are not supposed to be known are kept unknown. But but.... dun u see.... if you control all the information, we know nothing? And it's not exactly helpful. Putting the burden all on yourself is not the way. It will not help in any single manner. So if this goes on, when things get too tough (which is essentially wad WILL happen), everything will be too HEAVY to carry and how can you expect ppl to help out then, when all they noe is nothing?

Motivation-wise I think it seriously can be improved. Planning well is not enough. Getting it done is another totally unrelated business. If people lacks the motivation in getting things done then it is really no point. Like you have the best plan in the world also no use.

Everything's so messy it juz irks me and really worries me. How can I help? There seem to be nothing I can do as 1 person to help out or change. And it's too late for a change anw. So how? Let's juz strive on. There's still a little time left. We can do it. Dun give up now. We've come so far, it's too late to give up.

We all detest changes. Are we too comfortable wif our own current status that any change brings about too big a deviation for us to handle?

2007-05-22T22:52:00.000+08:00

a bit of something is a lot of things.

ok that was totally random. Anyway this week (and the many weeks to come) is rather hellish. With an impending test coming right up this fri, and our IS, and our blks, i doubt i can enjoy my break. June hols will have only 1 word to describe: Busy.

I am really quite pissed off today. Especially after some thing that happened yesterday. I think attitude of other people affect me quite a lot. Getting pissed over ppl getting pissed. though i well understand how the person felt and totally can understand why the person felt so... oh well.. fine i shall juz ignore and live life as such. forgive and forget. and hope for forgiveness at e same time i guess. it's my fault too.

Think after e break tis morning at 9 i was feeling a bit better le. Yup. Muz be you guys Yes, you, you, you, you and you. Thanks so much.

On a lighter note... Thanks for your present!!! Really appreciate it though it came erm... 4 months late. LOLx.

Making a point, and having a point, is two different things. Even if you have a valid point, it might well turn out to be an invalid assertion.

2007-05-11T23:14:00.000+08:00

it has been really long since i last posted. There has been some problems I can't post onto e blog... oh well...

Anw today concludes e syf for all performing arts. Everyone put in their best and yes got their results! No matter what is achieved or obtained, the process is most impt ehh! Yup. Xin Ku le everyone. Jia you for the upcoming concerts! Make it a smash!

Anyway I am feeling rather emo-ish these few days, quite sadden by a few facts and observations.. and felt really lonely for once. Seems like though you might be surrounded by ppl, there is just tis immerse sense of loneliness, like everything becomes transcendent. Arhh oh well weird thought. Sorted out certain thinking for the past few days. Hope it lasts. And thanks to all who showed me concern and care! Really appreciate it. It's you all that really makes the feeling of loneliness go away. And yes I will feel better I suppose. Thank you guys :)

Walk a lonely path of no past, no present, no future. Converging into other paths.

2007-04-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

The very same moon we are looking upon.

I was looking at the moon just now and tis inevitably reminded me of how the moon would seem the same all over the world. How we all can stare into the same thing at different places, different time.

Isn't it fasinating that such happenings are occurring right before our very eyes?

anw.. tml is Maths Lecture Test. ok nvm.

Today was busy. As usual. But unusually disturbing too. Maybe like wad sin hwee said too much POTO will make me emo. But erm I dun really feel it is that... Maybe sudden realisation of reality makes me feel a bit sad at times.

And yes topped with all the work and stress everyone is in... Nothing can get any better. At least for now. But yes it will all be over very soon? Yes yes all these feelings will go. Like always.

Are you with me in this same pursuit?

2007-04-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

SYF: Gold

Yayy! happy :) Glad we maintained e standard!!!!

And yes ok nxt up the concert everyone work hard ok! We can do it!!!

Arh yes NP oso... today was AP... saw our award and felt really relieved. Hope we can maintain tis standard year after year!!!

And yes Quiz Com work hard!!!!

With all efforts. With all strength. Grant me the power. And I will show you the world.

2007-04-18T22:40:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's Guitar SYF!!!!! Arhh so excited :)

Everything will be fine! We will be uphold our standards!!! And hope everything turns out well!

JIA YOU JIA YOU!!!

2007-04-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

A view from nowhere. Is still somewhere.

But I am now seriously in a nowhere position now. Looking at all these from a position out of my own perspective.

No it's not as freaky as getting out your body and being spiritual in the sense, but rather to see things as it is and where it is. Clear of all perception. Cleansed from our own emotions. Cleared of all others.

Seems as though it is saddening ehh. It's not. Really.

Oh and yes update on my life: SYF is on Thursday. Arhh! Jia you!! It's getting really intensive these few days. Oh please my fingers I beg of you to hang on. Jia you!!!

It means I am still stuck here with all that I have. And all that I don't. A point of no return.

2007-04-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

A road most travelled in the least appropriate sense.

A journey least attempted in most oftenly.

Ok no link.

I should not dwell on the past yea? Don't know why there's just a sense of... sorrow these few days. Haven't really been thinking on anything in particular except for my scores and work. Didn't really bothered to pay attention to the intrinsic emotional ties I have with people. Or did I? Don't really know what is bothering me... It just feel. Sad. Looked around myself today and I just feel this a bit lonely. I don't know why but it feels kinda strange these few days. Must be my oversensitive mind. Tone down tone down...

Might have been my dreams too yea? Recurring characters in the dreams. Though the dreams are different, I can't help but notice that I have been dreaming of the same person(s) for a few times now... A bit in a row too. Quite weird. Does it mean anything? I seriously feel a bit lost. A bit tired. A bit alone.

But yes I know there are still true friends beside me. People who really do care and people who really do understand what is happening. Not going to let this affect me I promise :)

Recurrence in the different worlds of dreams.

2007-04-08T22:13:00.000+08:00

Have u ever had a dream that seem so real? And you wanted it so much to happen in real life. Like it just wells up all ur feelings and even when you awaken from it you stil feel the emotional link for what you have went through in the dream?

I have had it. Yesterday. And many times in the past.

This dream is particularly interesting as it reflects something I really hope can happen and that it will happen. Seems too real to be a dream.

Dreams are supposed to be surreal yea? But when reality overlaps with it it just seems as if the dream is too real. I had real feelings in the dream ok... I reacted like what I normally do ok... not like some weird weird dream that I react very different. This is very different. It's just... unconceivable that it's not real.

Oh well somethings are just too good to be true and just let me keep this memory of the dream. Let me live with it and let me gain strength from it.

Oh seems like I have like not updated for eons. Been busy with Blocks then now guitar. SYF coming. Really excited! And blocks? Not all results are out yet. Will update again when I know everything. Yup.

Oh I am growing to like Two Guitars again! Haha seen tis really zai video on the youtube and really inspired me to work hard for the song. It's a really beautiful tune.

And yes SYF is like juz round the corner. Very soon! Work hard people! We can do it de. :)

Erm as for all your concerned people out there... Erm ya I am alrite. Had been a eventful term 2 and I am really glad I have u guys as frens to pei me thru them all. Yup I am fine le I guess... Just that sometimes these things come recurringly... haha but it's alrite I have my way of tackling them. :)

Dreams are still dreams. When reality and dreams collides... is the day of meeting again.

2007-03-24T22:17:00.000+08:00

No no all these won't work out...

But I do noe what din work out and won't work out... it's gd that such stuff are recurring but not always here you see... at least you get some breathing space.

Anw back to life... Block 1 is over! Haha yayy. Ok frankly I have no confidence in getting good results for any subj... Maybe KI maybe bio, but chem and maths was a bit screwed up. Haha shall not mention why but yes they are...

Erm on a more personal level I have indeed learnt something really useful. Never never never be too helpful. Ok I am not to start wif... But erm helpfulness have a limit I suppose? And these limits seem to be closing in on me. Arhh heck. I am still gg to be myself, helping whenever I can and doing whatever I could.

Anda new quote in my life: "What does not kill me, makes me stronger" Of coz this seem really really sad and not exactly who I really am but wait who am I actually again? Have I not lost sight of wad is defined as me?

Recurring dreams, endless regrets.

Only angels up above, may save the world and rescue my nerves. Ok no link. Nvm...

But but I tink I really do owe sorries to a lot of people? I really do. In our quest for our existence I might have done things which are the least desirable I guess. And all these added up to unhappiness and regret. May only these unhappiness follow me and not you, and these regrets still haunts me every now and then. But I am fine. Really. Or I suppose so. I hope.

When all these comes to an end. Start a new beginning.

2007-03-15T22:16:00.000+08:00

It feels weird now I feel much peace and calmness in me. Not good. Is it I am devoid of all these feelings le? Does it mean I am able to take criticisms more openly le? Or is it that I am just running away from the problem, and one day I will like crumble to pieces with all these? Am I indulging myself in self-delusion and trying to hide myself behind this emotionless face, the one so familiar, yet so distant?

Many questions pop up and I seriously have no replies to them. How?

What is the feeling of sadness? What is the feeling of happiness? What are feelings? Am I moving towards being non-human?

What is being sensitive? What does sensitivity means? What do I have to do? What is right? What is wrong? Why does my actions always turn out wrong? Is there such a thing as intentionalist? What is my intentions anyway? What are the consequences of what I did?

Did I not pay the price of all these?

What is happening to me?

Shattered. Maybe it's becoz a shattered person cannot experience shattering anymore. Therefore it no longer bothers as much. Maybe it's just my way of running away bahh...

Away from this reality. Hit by the other cruelty. In this humanity. The only thing left is sanity.

2007-03-13T19:30:00.000+08:00

Am I such a lousy person at dealing with all these?

To the person whom I am referring to. Please. All these are just getting on my nerves. I know I might have gotten on your nerve too and I am really sorry about it ok. Seriously. But now I feel bad about it I really dunno what to say. If this is how you cope with such things then fine. At least at least let me know what is happening. It's like getting hit without knowing the reason. It's like getting scolded for no reason at all. Have you not been through such stuff before? Can't you understand the frustration?

And ok I am seriously very sorry if I have brought much sorrow/anger/agony or anything of this sort into ur life k. As in I am really sorry... But but I seriously am very very confused by the way things are going on. As in I really give up. I give up. Clearing things up is like part and parcel of life for me. Eek. Wahh and this is really making me damn annoyed. Can't you just get on and make no effort to antagonise me further? Why must I be the one? Why is it ALWAYS ME???

Life is like that. This is just how life is. How my life goes. Am I really such lousy person to you?

Why can't everything return to when it was all simple and free?

2007-03-12T23:14:00.000+08:00

why must this thing happen to me again?

why must all these come haunt me again? Why why why??? Why can't everything just go the way I hope it would. Is the hope so unattainable? Is what i am wishing for so hard? Is all these worth the while?

Am I such a bad person?

I hate it when all these happen again and again. Repeating themselves time after time. Don't they get tired of it?

Sick and tired

2007-03-11T21:00:00.000+08:00

I dun have any more energy for all these already...

Someone tell me the correct thing to do. I really don't know now..

Maybe I should just ignore and concentrate... All this can be sorted out... later.

Misty clouds of uncertainty. Clear stack of undone work.

2007-03-08T22:52:00.000+08:00

All these are awfully similar to the past.

And it's not a good thing. Is it? Or am I thinking too much?

Is the world going too fast, or is it me whose pace is too slow to catch up? Seriously I sometimes doubt what I am doing. But I dun seem to be able to help it though. Nothing I can do about it though.

Are what I am feeling really what I am going through? Am I looking too much into stuff? Or is everything just the way I think they are?

Everytime I tink of such stuff it always throws me into a mess. I dun seem to be able to crawl out of these mess. And the mess keep expanding like there's no end to it. Which totally makes things worse. Sometimes things are not what I thought it is, but my actions and words somewhat forces these into what I tink it is. And this often less desirable... How?

Maybe I will find a way in my dreams. Sometimes everything sorts out in dreams. And this is really helpful.

I am still finding a way. Maybe a different way, but a way...

2007-03-04T21:32:00.000+08:00

All these somewhat happen quite weirdly i would put it as such.... I seriously dunno if it refers to me, to someone else, or to anything in particular. Sometimes I tink it is better to be explicit?

Thoughts often get over me and seriously I can no longer separate like I used to feelings and emotions (how r they diff i oso dunno... hmm...) and thoughts. Sometimes it all gets too complicated for us to comprehend what is meant and what is done. Sometimes everything is not as complicated as it seems but be perceived as such. Sometimes nothing makes sense. Like what is happening right now. I am seriously confused. :( But nvm. I'll work out some way I hope.

Anyway ytd was reunion dinner *beams* Din get e IPOD NANO (top prize for lucky draw) though.... Actually din get ANYTHING at all... wahh sadness. But yea there's always nxt yr :P
And oh oh I din noe Mr Lee is leaving us... Oh man so sad... but oh well hope he will do well in his new post too though! Visit us often! U r always our officer. :) And oh oh thanks to calvin and chuan khim and team for making ytd a successful one. It was great :) Of coz there's room for improvements... but overall it's v v v gd le :) Really. Serious! Believe me!!!

Anw... had a rather eventful week. And of coz nxt week is as eventful as ever... But hopefully we will get thru all these without much sweat... lolx. And yes sort out my thoughts and feelings and emotions and all.

When everything goes perfectly haywire, juz remove the wire, and let the horse have the hay.

2007-02-22T22:17:00.000+08:00

I have to make sure I do not go down the path I went last year.

Sometimes I do keep wondering if I have undertaken the path that I have once went and returned from. Certain thoughts still linger around me even when it has gone and past long ago, and even if they do not bother me as much as they did, these thoughts certainly still make their presence known to me by popping out once in a while.

I keep on wondering why I seemingly travel the same route and path every now and then. Maybe the past have never really let go of me. Maybe I did not let go of what have past. But looking at things now and looking back on the past certainly brings back old emotions every now and then. Sometimes these emotions juz get too... hard to handle. So much so that I lost sight of whether I am feeling the same way I did e other time, or simply looking back at my old feelings. They are certainly different in nature I guess.

Complications come every now and then... Not that they are the least desirable but yes they do occur. But sometimes I do hope they dun occur that often. It's like every single thing I do becomes more and more complicated every now and then... Bahh... Oh well needa live wif it I think...

I find myself saying too much sorries. Does it work at all?

2007-02-19T10:32:00.000+08:00

Hey hey! Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes It's e lunar new yr le.... Happy new yr everyone! Hope this year will be fillled with much mor joy and laughter. Much more smiles and all. Hope everything will be fine :) Jia you everyone!

2007-02-16T20:44:00.000+08:00

With a heel and a toe and a half turn around...

No not the friendship dance but the ARES DANCE! Ok we won ok.... we WON! yes we won the CNY Inter-faculty dance competition. We won ok! We won!!! yay yay yay yay yay!

Ok i shall not rub it in. But yes the other facs done well too! I think their dances were really nice too :) And and great job esp to our very own ares dance ics (Shiu Yuen and Clarice) Omg u guys rock e world la. And ur efforts paid off man! It was really really really really really impressing and great. I totally enjoyed e dance juz now. Although we could have had an encore perhaps but oh well...

Anw... well done ppl! And yes S70 (both junior and senior) thx for ur active participation in tis... Oh my i can't rem how many fac dance session in which we r like e earliest class there to start dancing la can.... we are like so super enthu can.... So nice so good :)

And oh oh e other time i forgot to write a post on tis I shall make it up now...

JTS! Oh my goodness. Thank you juniors! It was totally great. Totally. And I really really enjoyed ourselves. Though we were like sorta chased out of e RTC.... but we soon found a nice place to continue (aka Sean's place) and it was really great. I really enjoyed JTS ok.... And dun u look forward to STJ... haha. Yea I tink it will be great too! Planning on e way. Wait for more details to come!!!

Oh my I am like super high now... super happy ares won. It's like super duper worth it. As in our efforts to learn e dance... Perfect it in some sense... It's all worth it. I am so glad I am in this with all of u together. :)

And yes I am feeling ok... Like I said... though e same old things keep coming back to me and all... Since now I can more or less face it with a smile, or even juz a grin, what it serve to mean is only I know my place now. I noe where I stand and what I should be doing. I noe what i have done and what I can do. And that it is no longer as painful. No longer as heart-piercing. No longer a misery. But all have gone and smiles shall dominate once again. Though smiles are hard to come by these days. Haha. But I am good. I am fine and I will be. :)

The god of war dancing to the battle beats.

2007-02-03T13:35:00.000+08:00

Well done guitar-mates :)

Well everything went perfectly well for guitar today :) Yay so cool. E new song is zai. And the old song we played like so many times i tink i can play when i keep my eyes close. haha so it was zai too :) Yup today hanlu recorded e song and it sounded nice.... oh so zai la :)

haha and hmm...

gone le. gone like e wind it has went past me. The endless howl of tis sad song always come and go... haha. anw i am fine really :) I tink i tink too much.... and many times maybe i juz find it hard to let go of something, and let off some steam. Everything keep building up in here and poof when it all comes out.... not only does it damage myself, i have hurt many around as well...

Maybe my illness for the past week had gotten to me and thus result in me losing sight of wad hope and optimism are. Maybe I have nv been quite as near as I always thought to be. Maybe I am not the one nice guy u may find.. Maybe. Maybe. But does it matter now? Actually it does. But oh well...

When time passes by and I have to look at everything one more time and say. "I am sorry" But sorries can't heal the wound no more.

2007-02-01T20:14:00.000+08:00

these few days have been stony.... or maybe rocky too... haha... sorry to all. i tink i was kinda like "dao" and in sad mood recently... haha.... old enduring problems bugs me once in a while... Think it may be e time again where everything comes back to haunt u... and it just makes u feel.... sad. Maybe it's no longer the event that makes u feel sad le... but haha e emotions... sometimes we have to recouncile with wad we r gg thru i guess...

Speaking of old familiar pain... what if your emotions about something never changed, but u find urself in another world, with another set of conditions, problems, and the same old familiar ppl, but now leading a totally different life from what you used to think you knew. What will u do?

i dun really understand how an old familiar pain may seem so distance away.. yet feel so close to my heart, and close to wad i am feeling. Sometimes it's best not to say anything at all. Let the emotions do e talking. But what if these emotions aren't e least desirable? How can u tackle them then?

The best method's still to walk away i think. Dun u tink so?

haha stop thinking abt all of these at all and everything will seem fine le. One day.

haha and no i am fine. :)

Being left far away from u

2007-01-26T22:22:00.000+08:00

I said b4 I shall not include any more angsty posts ard here....

But here u go again...

I am seriously quite confused now? As in things got so much out of hand that walking away doesn't really help too? I am seriously not sure abt wad my prob is too.... Maybe it's just me being not such a nice guy i may deem myself to be.

As in I am really quite unsure of what I am doing le. Or wad i did that was wrong. Maybe I have always been wrong. Maybe. Maybe not. But does it matter now? Like everything's so messed up I can't seem to tidy even my own thoughts up. What do you expect from me? I just can't do it.

A long enduring pain will not go off so easily de my fren. I once had a bad cut on my elbow. It left a deep scar. When i feel it with my hand now i can still feel the old familiar pain. Likewise for my feelings and thoughts. Haha old familiar pain. Lolx. haha sounds like it comes frm tis song called "Same Old Lang Syne". But no it doesn't bug me anymore. What does it tell you when i can face tis same old familiar pain with a smile and walk away gracefully and not be too troubled with it? It tells you tat I have succeeded in xiang kai-ing.

When the pain doesn't go away, take painkillers, and get on with life.

2007-01-22T21:13:00.000+08:00

haha 18!!!! Omg I am 18 lolx. 18 yrs in tis world le... WOW...

anw... had a really really really really really really great day today. Especially with everybody spending tis day wif me... haha yup. :) I totally love my class :) And all e ppl :)

Anw.... a lot of ppl to thank.. haha

Oh oh we have our great "Brotherhood": Tongyuan, Kai Xiong and Xuan Ping for the great and super nice present of a Gundam Seed Destiny Model Kit. Oh no it must have been very expensive.... Thank you so much!!!!!!!

Then comes the 2 self-proclaimed "most adorable, sweet, cute, generous, pretty, amazing, witty, charming " *oh i am sure....* also known as Renyi and Sera. Yup thanks for your presents (aka notebook, choc and photoframe) yup it's v nice :) Haha no la not v girly :P haha and i tink it's quite cute :) And I still can't believe that renyi wrote all those words lorz... looks like printed one... haha... ok u sure hid ur talent way too well.... :P

Following closely our dearest Ronald, Ben, Zhi Xiong and Sean!!!! Haha thx for e book :) Yup will read it :) Haha thx for e present it's v nice :) v gd that u guys actually remembered my bday!!!!! haha yup thx a lot!!!

Yup thanks guys for all e fun and joy and all for today :0 Greatest day i ever had :) yup. Haha no regrets meeting all of you guys and knowing such great frens really really made my life really worthwhile :) Yup. Hope you all had a great day too :)

Oh oh and sry Sin Hwee!!! Haha i should thank you for being my sacrifice though :P. haha. hope u din mind :)

yup enjoy e rest of today! and many more days to come :)

Every minute, every hour, everyday.

2007-01-13T11:15:00.000+08:00

haha back on posting.

firstly.... many sorries to sera! ok i tink erm ya i interpreted u wrongly... :P maybe that's e prob of perception :P

Anw....

oh ytd marks e end of e orientation for J1. Hope e juniors enjoyed themselves. :) E campfire was well.... ok fine quite nice :) I like e fac dances :) they r cool :) And I tink our junior class is cool too :) though like maybe at times they react less promptly etc etc... but erm generally i tink they r a nice bunch of ppl :) hope to see u guys ard more :)

and and oh an issue that lingered on for tons of months.... i really have nothing to say. as in really. If wad I did was undesirable yes i tink i would change. And i had changed. Maybe not too noticably but yes i did. wadeva la. Haix... ok frm now on i should do it more NOTICABLY.

Actually I seriously dun want to care le. I just want to be who i really am.

If ppl would like to misinterpret wad i am doing. I can only say I am sorry. Really sorry.

Wad could be done and wad i would like to do. wad i could have done and wad i have done.

2007-01-02T09:14:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was super cool :) Yup Had our O5 (Operation: Outing One on One) and it was simply great :) Many thanks to ry and sean for making this possible.

Haha ok ytd was like a 70 gathering at Sean's place (so nice of him) and we sorta like wreaked havoc in there :P

Yup watched Death Note 1 and talked a lot. Rachel (our senior) came so we had a great time toking to her and just getting together. It started with like 6 people (sean, ry, sera, ivan, shiu yuen and me) and afterwards others joined us like TY, XP, Zhaolong, Erik, Sin Hwee and Rui Xiong. Almost everyone came. Almost. So haha we had tons fo fun :) Dinner was provided (with kind sponsorship frm Sean's parents) and after dinner we were playing mahjong and cards (lolx) Oh Erik showed us e new fac dance. Really brought up the mood of the night. :) I tink the new dance is cool (all thx to our dance IC Shiu Yuen and team) and i can't wait to learn it :P Looking forward to them teaching us in sch.... Yup.

Quoting wad Sera said.... "Initially I thought today will be so sian and boring, but after coming I found it so fun... And now I look forward to sch reopening" O.o (lolx) but anw.... yes looking forward to sch! Not because of anything else but because of you 70! Yup miss every single one of u... Though tis yr will be like super hectic I guess we can all go thru tis together if we work hand in hand and march towards a better tomorrow (so cliche... by e way, tml is sch reopening.... lolx)

haha ok really looking forward to seeing u guys. As for now... haha have to pack up everything first then say... :P

Broken bows of dreams mended by endless arrows of friendship

2007-01-01T11:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

omg 2007 is here. oh man oh man. Gd yr it should be... but will be like super hectic too i guess.... haha i shall welcome it wif opens arms no matter :P

Have a yr filled wif fun peace joy and laughter!

Here's wishing everyone a happy new yr!!!!

2006-12-30T21:29:00.000+08:00

2006 coming to an end maybe it's time for me to review on my yr so far...

haha ok 06 marks a v diff yr for me. firstly e jc life is totally different to wad i am used to for the past 10 yrs... and i am like exposed to a lot of things i nv thought abt in high sch esp.

ok firstly, my work is quite screwed esp for e first half of e yr... esp blks... then became better by e end of e yr... which is gd. ok seriously i tink i should cont to practise wad i did for e second half of e yr which is to focus a bit more.... on wadeva work i wanna do. interestingly sem 2 was busier than sem 1... haha.

but but 1st 3 mths esp was super duper fun. :) Really really i miss those days man.... totally no worries abt sch work haha. and pure fun. with class have fun like everyday. i totally love it :) But erm time pass fast...

then i enjoyed every moment spent wif every one of my frens. really. esp my class and my dear squad. Many thx to all. I really really like u all v v much :)

Ok i guess there's like no end to wad i did wrong this yr lorz... haix. but but i hope all i done was able to make up for it.... and all i can do i will do really. I guess yes it's something i have to learn in e hard way i guess...

Iwas wrong but i will not stay wrong for the rest of my life. I guess i have to let all these mistakes go. Only then will any pain really cease, any wounds really heal, any mistakes really correct themselves.

Still learning how to do it.

2006-12-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

What do you do when there lacks happiness, and agony rules?

No nah not toking abt myself :P. But erm erm u see ya finding myself. Many questions is left hanging without an answer...

Firstly I think maybe happiness is something we should look into... For many people ignored the presence and importance of this very very basic brick of life. Haha yes I did too. But yes I was brought crashing down onto tis very idea of happiness, without a clue of how it can be obtained. Isn't it sad when you feel you are near to your very happiness when this is simply brought away? Erm haha. But on the other note, isn't it something to rejoice about when all sadness seem to tumble down on you but there's always like this glimmer of light shining?

Haha someone teach me what happiness is really about. Someone teach me how connection works. I hope all these are all not too distant from me. Where I am now.

When there's not much to be happy about, be that something that will make someone around you happy.

oh oh haha e previous post was e 100th post :P yay.

2006-12-24T13:29:00.000+08:00

haha hey ppl. forget abt wad i wrote in e previous posts. :P ya all crap nothing else. Ya dun read too much into it. :)

Anw...

ya erm self-reflection. Erm... ok I seriously need to reflect on myself i guess. I am actually losing sight of who I am actually. And this is bad. Really bad. :( Yes maybe erm ya i did a lot of things wrong. haha. Erm yes i guess i failed to do a lot of other things as well. Equally bad. But erm ya i have to really look at myself again.

Engagement. Connection. Erm ya i heard these words too many times to ignore them. But I really really dun noe what I should do or can do. It seems like I dun noe them that well i suppose. Guess these words might have been too stranger to me to let me understand what they really mean. Maybe I might have neglected their presence and seriously forgot what all these are about. But surely I need some guidance on what this is all about. What this 2 words really meant to me and what it really meant to everybody.

Maybe I should reflect on who I seem to be in many ppl's eyes too. Maybe I just ain't deep enuf. Maybe I always build this artificial barrier between me and the others, not showing who i am i guess... Maybe I have did wrong yea? Have I blocked off people too far away from myself, who i truly am? And who am I? I seriously lost count of the number of times i lost e meaning of wad "me" meant to me... and seriously yes I need time to find myself again.

One fine day all will be fine and the sun will shine, wif a rainbow that stretch across the sky. But till then I need to look at myself once again and ask wad I am really doing.

2006-12-23T21:17:00.000+08:00

Ok everything I wrote in the previous post was when i was frustrated. Erm ok let's start anew. Let's not tok abt tis anymore. get on wif life :) I am fine really :) Jia you!

2006-12-23T17:24:00.000+08:00

Every freaking thing i do is wrong. Everything and i mean EVERYTHING. Dammit. I am really very very very very very tired of this. As in really. I am telling you I am giving up. Totally. No way anything can be changed. No way anything freaking thing will work out. I shall walk away. No more.

I just want you to know yes I know I am in the wrong. I am so wrong. Yes I am. Dun deny it yes I am wrong. Ok I am very very very very very very very very very very very very very very extremely extremely extremely extremely extremely extremely sorry. Ok I won't feel good for this. I noe I won't. Take it as my punishment. Really. I am very sorry and very very ultimately sorry. Get on with your life. Dun worry. Yes. I juz hope everything is ok yet again.

And dun ask me wad happened. I dun want to think abt it now.

Ok back to life.

hmm went to see e doc for my back prob. Ok miraculous I am feeling much better :) Yay. That's like super good. I hope everything will be fine from now on. Yup and i mean EVERYTHING.

Hope you know what I mean. As in the real meaning. The only meaning.

Back away

2006-12-22T15:02:00.000+08:00

Arhh.... i hate backaches.

LOL it's sorta killing me slowly... argh.. pain pain.

ok today's sec 1 registration. Went to ensure e marshal went on smoothly. Everything went fine. Hope we left a good impression on np :P

but but today morning.... dunno how i got my back sorta like sprained.... causing me to have tis strain and pain in e back. Argh it's so frustrating. Extremely painful. Had to take painkillers b4 gg sch lorz :( Haix no choice still had to go. Luckily it's a bit better now. :)

Missing everyone

When it bleeds. Where it bleeds. Why it bleeds?

Healing of the pain